I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize