Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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