Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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