im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
