I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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