I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
