goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
