Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
