Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
