I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
