Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
