i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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