his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
