I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
