i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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