how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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