I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
