Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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