So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
