Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
