dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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