i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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