i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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