Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize