she was so not down for the gang bang
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
