he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
