I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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