I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
