i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
