dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
