$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
