Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
