I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
