you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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