i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize