i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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