So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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