Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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