barbara walters just said penis...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize