im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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