based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
