oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
