Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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