Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
