Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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