i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
