i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
