The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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