Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
