Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry figaro331 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(850): View more from Florida

So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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(330): View more from Ohio

you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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(719): View more from Colorado

we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall

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(302): View more from Delaware

my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things

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(707): View more from California

The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

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(813): View more from Florida

He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen

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