Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
