she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize