You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
