Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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