Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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