I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
