Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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