just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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