i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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