I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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